While I don’t often share about my fitness training journey, I feel compelled to document my current experiences. This need stems from an internal conflict I’m facing, one that’s both challenging and enlightening. My venture with a new personal trainer, aimed at rehabilitating my shoulder, marks a significant chapter in this journey. We started back in August, and right from the outset, her intense demeanor was intimidating. However, what really stood out to me was her ability to adapt her training approach in response to my feedback. It’s this adaptability and willingness to adjust that has added a unique dynamic to our sessions and my overall fitness journey.

Our sessions were paused for about a month due to my surgery in September, extending the 12-session package I had initially paid for. Now, having completed 8-9 sessions, I’m struck by her versatility and the refreshing approach she brings to training. Her methods are a significant departure from the traditional routines I’ve followed over the past three years, introducing me to a world beyond just machines and dumbbells. Each session is a new learning experience, adding value to my fitness journey. However, despite her efforts and the new perspectives she offers, I find myself grappling with mixed feelings. It’s a challenging comparison between her and my previous trainers, especially as I continue to explore the best path for my personal growth.

Today’s session was especially challenging. It was one of those days that many fitness enthusiasts can relate to – a day where, even after giving my all, I felt as though I didn’t meet my own expectations. The sense of disappointment was heavy, and I grappled with feelings of frustration and self-anger over my perceived shortcomings. Reflecting on this and writing it down, I recognized a pattern of self-doubt creeping in, often catching myself thinking, “I can’t do this.” It was a stark realisation of the mental barriers I face, as much as the physical ones.

Yet, as I was reflecting, I realised an important truth about strength training, and life in general: not every day can be about breaking records. Some days the weights feel heavier, and personal bests seem far away. But showing up and putting in the effort, even on the tougher days, is what builds character and resilience. The fitness journey is not a straight line to success, but a winding path with its share of highs and lows.

Communicating my feelings remains a challenge, despite achieving several ‘firsts’ successfully under her guidance. For example, when I managed to do a 12 kg kettlebell swing with a hand change – something I initially doubted I could do – my trainer commended me, but I couldn’t muster more than a neutral expression. I guess as a Capricorn, perhaps my expectations are too high, or maybe I struggle to feel proud of my achievements. This internal conflict often makes it challenging to communicate effectively with my trainer. I wish I could open up more, to share my thoughts and feelings openly, but finding the right words isn’t always easy. It’s a barrier I’m keenly aware of and one I’m striving to overcome.

I must keep reminding myself that this journey isn’t about perfection in every session; it’s about persistence and consistency. Every lift, every squat, every moment I spend in the gym contributes to my narrative – a story of resilience, strength, and unwavering dedication. It’s about building more than just muscle; it’s about cultivating mental and emotional fortitude.

I’m learning to embrace the tough days in my strength training journey. These challenging moments remind me that I’m human and keep me grounded. They teach humility and, most importantly, they propel me towards becoming stronger in every aspect. It’s a multifaceted growth that extends beyond the physical realm, touching the mental and emotional spheres of my life.

As 2023 draws to a close, it feels like standing at a pivotal crossroads, reflecting on a journey filled with both strength and struggle. Behind me lies a year marked by the clatter of weights, the challenge of rehabilitation, and countless valuable lessons learned – each one a testament to resilience and inner strength. Ahead, the promise of a new year beckons, ripe with uncharted challenges and boundless potential.

This journey, set against the backdrop of gym walls, has been about more than just mending a shoulder; it’s been a pilgrimage towards personal mastery and deeper self-understanding. With each session, I’ve woven a tapestry of sweat, determination, and moments of self-doubt, all contributing to a stronger, more enlightened self.

As I tie the laces of my training shoes for the upcoming year’s challenges, I do so with a heart brimming with gratitude and a spirit invigorated for what lies ahead. Let’s raise a toast to the relentless pursuit of improvement, within and beyond the confines of the gym. May the weights be ever in our favor, and our spirits as resilient as the muscles we train.

As the final pages of 2023 turn, I look forward to sharing more of this journey with you. Until then, keep lifting, keep growing, and embrace the adventure of a new year.