From Freelancing to Stability: My Journey

The more I think about it, the more I realise that stability itself is not the problem. The real question is whether I am using that stability to build more freedom, or slowly becoming more dependent on it.

Before I had a full-time job, I spent years freelancing.

From around 2014 to 2020, while studying for my degree, I was taking on badminton coaching and private teaching. Some months were good. Some months were not. There was no fixed salary. Every dollar felt very direct. If I worked, I got paid. If I did not work, I did not get paid. Simple. Because of that, I was very careful with money. I counted almost everything. I knew roughly how much effort went into earning each amount, so spending also felt more deliberate.

A little piece of my freelance years: coaching, earning by the hour, and learning that freedom and stability are not always the same thing.

One part of my freelance years that I still look back on fondly was badminton coaching. These were some of the preschool and primary school children I coached during that period. A reminder that freelancing was never just about the hourly rate. It was also about the people I met, the relationships I built, and the freedom I had to shape my own time. I believe many of them would be teenagers by now, which is quite a strange reminder of how quickly time moves.

Control over my time. I could arrange my own schedule. I could decide when to coach. I could fit work around school, badminton, errands, rest, or whatever else I needed to do. In some ways, I felt like a free bird. Of course, the freedom came with a trade-off. My income was not stable. CPF contributions were not great. There was no guarantee that next month would look like this month. And if I stopped working, the income stopped too. So I had time autonomy, but not exactly financial freedom.

Then COVID came. And strangely, that period became a blessing in disguise for me. Around July 2020, I landed a full-time role as a tuition centre manager. At that point, my routine became quite intense. In the mornings, I was still working part-time at the pharmacy warehouse, packing and handling inventory. Then in the afternoon, I would move into my full-time role at the tuition centre and work until around 9:30pm on weekdays. It was long. But for the first time in a while, there was something very reassuring about seeing a fixed salary come in every month. No guessing. No wondering whether enough students would book coaching. No calculating how many sessions I needed. A fixed amount would arrive. And psychologically, that felt safe.

While working full-time, I was also doing my Master’s. For quite a while, I was juggling the tuition centre role, the morning pharmacy warehouse job, and my studies at the same time. Eventually, it became too much. By around September 2022, I realised I could not keep stretching myself across everything and still do each part properly. So I decided to quit the pharmacy medicine packing job. It was not because the job was bad. I just had to accept that time and energy were limited, and something had to give. That was probably one of the first times I really felt the cost of trying to do too many things at once.

Stability changes the way you live

Once the income became predictable, my behaviour slowly changed too. I still tracked my expenses very tightly. I still wanted to know where my money was going. But the mindset was different. Instead of asking, “How much will I earn this month?” I already knew. That certainty made planning easier. It also made spending easier. Over time, responsibilities increased. Household contributions. Parents’ medical bills. My own self-care. Daily expenses. Insurance. Food. Transport. Things that are not necessarily luxurious, but still add up. While my salary stayed relatively stable, life around it became more expensive. And somewhere along the way, I realised something. The salary did not trap me. My life slowly grew around it. That is a very different thing.

From freedom to routine

Freelancing used to feel uncertain, but flexible. Full-time employment felt structured, but safe. One gave me more control over my calendar. The other gave me more certainty over my income. And the longer I stayed in a full-time structure, the more normal it became. Wake up. Exercises. Work. Solve problems. Go home. Repeat. The salary comes in. Bills go out. The month resets. There is comfort in that rhythm. But comfort can slowly become dependency. Not because the job is bad. Not because the salary is unfair. But because your entire financial life starts depending on one organisation continuing to pay you. And that thought makes me uncomfortable. At work, I spend a lot of time thinking about systems. How to reduce manual work. How to automate repetitive tasks. How to make operations run more smoothly. How to avoid single points of failure.

Then one day I realised: My own financial life has one very obvious single point of failure. My salary. One employer. One main source of income. If that disappears, how much of the rest of my life still stands?

But the job gave me more than money

This is where I have to be fair. My full-time job did not only give me a salary. Over time, my role changed. I started in operations. Then, I became more involved in business transformation, technology, systems, workflows, and reducing manual processes. I started thinking less about simply doing work and more about how to redesign work. How can a process be improved? How can technology remove repetitive effort? How can one system talk to another? How can something continue working without someone constantly watching it? That experience has given me skills I did not have before.

So maybe the right question is not: What is this job giving me besides money?

Maybe it is: Am I converting this job into something that will still be valuable to me even if I leave one day?

Skills. Judgement. Experience. Confidence. Systems thinking. Relationships.

Maybe even future opportunities. That changes the way I look at employment. A job can become dependency. But it can also become a platform.

Maybe stability should be used to build freedom

I do not think stability is the problem. I do not necessarily want unstable income again. I also do not think quitting a full-time job automatically creates freedom. Freelancing taught me that. You can control your schedule and still be financially dependent on your next client.

Employment taught me the opposite. You can have predictable income and still feel like your time belongs largely to a system. So, perhaps freedom is not choosing one or the other. Maybe freedom is having enough options that neither one owns you completely.

A stable salary can give breathing room. But perhaps the point of that breathing room is not simply to make life more comfortable. Maybe it should also be used to build something outside the salary. Savings. Investments. Another income stream. A skill. A product. Something I own. Something that creates options.

Because maybe stability is not the opposite of freedom. Maybe stability is useful only if I use it to build freedom.

What about you?

Have you ever felt the same tension between stability and freedom?

Maybe you chose a stable job after years of freelancing. Maybe you did the opposite. Or maybe you are still trying to figure out whether your salary is giving you security or slowly making you dependent on it.

I would love to hear how you see it.

If your salary stopped tomorrow, how much of your life would still stand?

From Jobs to Value: Understanding Worth in Work

I started working almost immediately after my O-levels. I still remember buying The Straits Times at the LRT station, bringing it home, flipping through the recruitment pages, and looking for part-time jobs.

That was the traditional method. Buy the newspaper, take it home, turn to the recruitment pages at the back, and go down the columns looking for anything part-time. Nobody taught me this. I don’t remember who I would have asked. I just worked out that jobs were printed in the newspaper and the newspaper cost less than a dollar.

Then I’d pick up the landline and call the number in the advertisement and ask if they were still hiring.

I was seventeen. I’d just finished O levels. It doesn’t occur to me now to call a stranger and ask them for work, and I can’t fully account for why it occurred to me then. I didn’t know anything. I just wanted something and couldn’t think of a reason not to go and get it.

The first jobs were retail. Ladies’ fashion at Takashimaya, Robinsons, Metro, OG. Sales events at the Expo when they came up. Two in the afternoon until ten at night, on my feet the whole time. Serve customers. Unpack stock. Fold what people had unfolded. Wait. Go home. Five to ten dollars an hour. I’ve lost the exact figure.

Later I picked up a second job at the Kumon near my flat, marking worksheets for about five dollars an hour. The rate was worse, but it was ten minutes from home, so I took it.

I kept doing this through polytechnic and university. And somewhere in there I started keeping score.

How much am I worth per hour?

At that time, I think I was earning around $10 to $12 an hour. Later, I moved into badminton coaching and also took on private teaching, working more like a freelancer. My monthly take-home pay was quite good, although my CPF contribution was much lower than in a regular full-time job. Private coaching could easily bring in around $30 to $50 an hour, and for some sessions, even more. Suddenly, one hour of my time seemed to be worth much more than before. Or at least, that was how I measured it then. I remember feeling quite satisfied watching the number rise. It felt like progress, maybe even proof that I was becoming more valuable. But looking back now, I wonder if I was measuring the wrong thing.

I kept score like that for eighteen years.

Only recently did it occur to me that I might have been counting the wrong thing the whole time.

Was my value really an hourly rate?

When I was younger, the equation felt very simple. More skill meant a higher hourly rate, and a higher hourly rate meant I was becoming more valuable. So naturally, I wanted that number to keep going up.

But the older I get, the more I realise that work is rarely just an exchange of hours for money.

When someone hires us, they are not only paying for eight hours of our time.

They are also paying for our attention, energy, judgement, patience, creativity, experience, and our ability to solve problems. Sometimes, they are also taking up a bit of our emotional capacity.

And for certain jobs, the work does not really stop when the clock stops.

The body leaves, but the brain doesn’t.

A problem can follow you home. You can be eating dinner and suddenly think of a solution. You can be exercising and still replaying something that went wrong at work. Sometimes you even wake up with an idea.

Technically, nobody is paying you for those extra moments.

But mentally, work is still occupying part of you.

That is probably when I started questioning the idea of an hourly rate even more.

Maybe the real cost of work is not just the hours we spend doing it.

Maybe it is also the amount of space it takes up in our head.

If I solve something in 20 minutes, what am I being paid for?

This is something I think about quite often now.

Imagine I solve a problem in 20 minutes.

Maybe to someone else, it looks easy.

But perhaps it took me ten years of experience to know what to look for.

So am I being paid for the 20 minutes?

Or for the ten years it took me to make those 20 minutes possible?

That is a very different question.

Because if we only price work based on time, we may completely miss the value of experience.

The fastest person is not always doing less work.

Sometimes they simply paid for the answer earlier, through years of mistakes.

There’s a harder version of this that I’ve been avoiding.

Freelance coaching paid me more per hour than anything I’ve done since. Sixty dollars, no meetings, no politics, done when the session is done. By the logic I’d been using my whole adult life, that was the peak, and I should have built everything around it.

I went back into employment anyway. For Stability. For CPF, and for a salary that arrives when I’m sick, and for the kind of problems that take three months instead of one afternoon. Those were reasonable things to want. But they mean that at the exact moment I had the highest number I’d ever had, I traded it for something the number couldn’t see.

Which tells me I was never actually optimising for the hourly rate. I just thought I was, because it was the only figure I had. I don’t have a better one yet.

Then COVID happened

Before that, I had a fairly simple idea of what progress looked like. Work harder, learn more, earn more, watch the number go up. Keep moving. Most of the work I’d known growing up was also visible in a way that made this easy to believe. You went somewhere, you clocked in, you did the thing, you went home. The hours were the job. You could see them.

Then everything moved. Work went online, meetings went online, and businesses that had run on physical processes for twenty years had about six weeks to work out digital ones. Suddenly everyone was interested in automation, in systems, in whether anything could keep running when nobody was in the room. Technology had been doing this quietly for years, of course. COVID just pressed fast-forward.

Something shifted in me around then too, though I didn’t notice it happening. I stopped being interested in doing more work and started being interested in a different question: how do we make this run without adding more human hours to it? Instead of solving the same problem every week, could I build something that solved it once? Could a workflow lose three steps nobody needed? Could information move on its own instead of waiting for someone to forward it? Could a thing keep working after I stopped watching it?

That’s roughly when my relationship with work changed. I went from asking how much I was worth per hour to asking what I could actually produce in one. Those sound like the same question. I don’t think they are.

AI has pushed it further. Something that used to take an afternoon, for example, building a working website from scratch, can take half an hour now if you know what you’re doing. Writing, research, analysis, admin, and increasingly parts of the deciding itself.

So if I do in thirty minutes what used to take three hours, is the work worth less because it took less time?

That can’t be right. If anything, it’s the reverse. The value has moved into knowing what to ask for, what to check, and what not to trust. AI will produce an answer without much hesitation. Somebody still has to know whether the answer is any good or it’s even true. A workflow can be automated by more or less anyone now. Understanding the problem well enough to know what should be automated is a different skill, and it hasn’t gotten any cheaper.

Which makes my old scorekeeping look even worse. How much I’m worth per hour was always a question about how long I take. It never once asked what I was actually producing while I took it.

But there’s a part of this I keep walking around rather than through.

Say I build something that removes eleven hours of work a week. Not hypothetically. That’s roughly the shape of the last thing I built. Those eleven hours don’t come back to me. They go into the week, and the week absorbs them, and something else fills the space. The saving is real, and it is permanent, and it belongs to the organisation, which is the arrangement now, and I understood the arrangement.

I suddenly remembered something someone once told me: JOB means “Just Over Broke.”
I used to laugh at it because it sounded like one of those dramatic lines people use to sell entrepreneurship. But the older I get, the more I understand why it sticks. A salary can keep life stable, but if it is my only source of income, I am still heavily dependent on continuing to work for the next one. My salary remains largely unchanged, perhaps increasing slightly over time due to inflation adjustments and the organisation’s goodwill. It was calculated before the system existed, and it’ll be recalculated on a schedule that has nothing to do with it.

So the productivity question turns out to be the ownership question wearing different clothes. It was never really Is my work worth less now that it takes less time. It was when the tools make one person do the work of three, who ends up holding the difference?

I don’t think there’s a clean answer. I do think it’s a better question than the one I was asking at seventeen with a newspaper and a landline, and I notice that almost everything written about AI and productivity stops carefully short of it.

Everyone’s Brain + Everyone’s Effort = Someone Else’s Success?

In my first post, I wrote about a conversation that made me think more seriously about time, work and what I am actually building with my life.

That thought did not disappear.

It became another question.

Everyone’s brain + everyone’s effort = someone else’s success?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised how much of our working life is spent helping something bigger than ourselves move forward.

In my own work, I spend a lot of time solving problems.

Sometimes it is operations.

Sometimes it is tech.

Sometimes it is a workflow that does not make sense, so I try to redesign it.

Sometimes something breaks and everyone starts asking what happened.

Sometimes we are building a new feature, testing a system, fixing a process or thinking about how something can run better without depending on one person watching it all the time.

And this is not unique to me.

Every company works because different people bring different pieces of themselves into it.

Someone thinks.

Someone builds.

Someone coordinates.

Someone teaches.

Someone sells.

Someone handles customers.

Someone fixes mistakes.

Someone notices the small thing nobody else notices.

Eventually, all these small contributions become something much larger.

The company grows.

The product improves.

The systems become stronger.

Customers increase.

Revenue increases.

Knowledge accumulates.

And if everyone keeps doing a good job, the organisation becomes better and more valuable.

Which is exactly what should happen.

But then I started wondering:

If the company keeps growing because of everyone’s effort, what exactly is growing for me?

Of course, the first answer is SALARY.

I work. I get paid.

Simple.

And I do not think employment is a bad deal.

A salary gives stability.

It pays the bills.

It gives us some certainty.

It also allows us to learn without carrying all the risks of running a business ourselves.

A company may lose money.

A project may fail.

Customers may leave.

But employees normally still receive their salary.

That security has real value.

So this is not me complaining about working for a company.

I think my question is more about what happens beyond the salary.

Because every month looks roughly the same.

Work.

Salary comes in.

Then the next month starts.

Work again.

Salary comes in again.

If I stop working, eventually the salary stops too.

But some of the things we build at work do not reset every month.

A system I helped build can keep running.

A process I improved can keep saving time.

A product can keep generating value.

The company can continue benefiting from work that was done months or years ago.

And that is when I started thinking about this idea of compounding.

Same effort. Two things should grow.

The company compounds.

But am I compounding too?

Maybe I am.

Because the truth is, I do not leave work with only money.

I also leave with experience.

Judgement.

Problem-solving ability.

Confidence.

The ability to deal with people.

The ability to spot problems earlier.

The ability to understand how systems connect.

Even the mistakes become useful.

A company may own the system I helped create, but it does not own what I learned while creating it.

That part stays with me.

And I think this is important.

Maybe a job should not only be measured by:

How much am I earning?

Maybe another question should be:

What am I becoming because of this work?

Am I getting better at solving harder problems?

Am I learning skills that can follow me anywhere?

Am I building savings?

Am I building relationships?

Am I becoming more confident?

Am I becoming someone with more choices?

Or am I simply becoming very good at doing one company’s work?

That last question is slightly uncomfortable.

Because it is possible to work for many years and still feel stuck.

Sometimes experience grows, but options do not.

Sometimes salary grows, but dependency also grows.

The longer we stay somewhere, the harder it can feel to leave.

And I do not think the problem is that the company benefited from our work.

They are supposed to.

The problem would be if they benefited from our years and we forgot to build anything for ourselves at the same time.

And when I say “build something for ourselves”, I do not mean everyone needs to start a business.

I do not think entrepreneurship is automatically better.

I also do not think “being your own boss” guarantees freedom.

Sometimes business owners work even more.

For me, building something for myself can mean many things.

Skills.

Savings.

Investments.

Knowledge.

A reputation.

A body of work.

Something I create.

Something I own.

Or simply the ability to leave a situation without feeling that my whole life will collapse.

Maybe that is what freedom looks like to me.

Not never working again.

Not becoming rich overnight.

Just having choices.

The choice to stay.

The choice to leave.

The choice to try something else.

The choice to take a break.

The choice to spend time on things and people that matter.

So perhaps my original equation was too negative.

Maybe it should not be:

Everyone’s brain + everyone’s effort = someone else’s success.

Maybe it should be:

My effort helps the organisation grow, while I make sure I grow too.

That feels more balanced.

Because I do not mind helping something succeed.

In fact, I like building things that work.

I like solving messy problems and turning them into something clearer.

There is satisfaction in seeing something improve because you were part of it.

But I also think we need to occasionally look at ourselves and ask:

After all these years of helping everything around me grow, what have I grown that belongs to me?

Maybe that is the real question.

And maybe the goal is not to stop building for others.

Maybe it is simply to make sure that, while we are doing that, we are also quietly building our own future.

Is Your Job Building You? Exploring Time vs. Growth

A stranger (aka fitness creator) replied to me on Instagram in December 2025.

His account was mostly fitness content, which is probably why I engaged in the first place. We messaged on and off for eight months. Training, work, whatever either of us happened to be doing that week. On 12th August 2026, we found a morning when both of us were free and got on a Google Meet at 9.30.

I went in curious and nothing more. I hadn’t prepared anything, so everything I said that morning was whatever came out first.

He told me his route first. Study, graduate, work. A business that didn’t go the way he hoped. Then fitness, where he did well: trainer, up the ladder, eventually freelance.

That part I understood. He liked the work. He was earning from something he actually cared about.

The problem arrived later. At one point he was training clients eleven hours a day. More clients, more income. More income, less of everything else. If he stopped, it stopped.

His answer was Herbalife. Health and nutrition products, sold through a network rather than one body at a time.

So it was a pitch. I could see it coming for about fifteen minutes before it landed, and I don’t hold that against him.

I’m not going to argue about MLM here. I haven’t worked out what I think about the model, and I’m not the person to tell anyone else what to think about it either.

What stayed with me for the next two weeks wasn’t the compensation plan. It was the eleven hours.

How much of the day is actually mine

I work for a company. On a normal Tuesday, I don’t think about any of this.

Something breaks, I fix it. A project lands; I run it. A process is slow, so I redesign it. A system needs building, so we scope it, build it, test it, then fix the parts nobody anticipated. Operations run. Customers get served. People get managed.

Everyone puts in a piece of their brain, a piece of their experience, and a very large piece of their time. Stack enough of those pieces, and you get a company that works. Stack them well enough, for long enough, and you get a valuable one.

Everyone’s effort. Someone else’s asset.

We spend years giving our time, energy, ideas and effort to help something grow.
But somewhere along the way, we should also ask: what am I building for myself?

I know the counterargument because I’ve used it. Employment isn’t theft. We get paid. We learn things we couldn’t have learned alone, we meet people we wouldn’t have met, and we don’t lie awake working out how payroll gets funded next month. Someone else carries that, and it’s a real trade.

But I’ve started looking at the other half of the ledger.

Say I spend ten years helping an organisation grow. At the end of it the company has more customers, better systems, cleaner processes, stronger IP, higher revenue. All of that is fair. That’s what I was hired for.

The question is what grew on my side over the same ten years. My salary, hopefully. Beyond that, it gets less obvious. Some knowledge. Some savings. A network, if I bothered to maintain it. Or possibly just a very specific expertise in making one particular organisation run, which is worth a great deal inside that building and close to nothing outside it.

Not “am I being exploited.” More like: am I building capability, or just tenure.

The obvious answer is wrong too

The tidy conclusion here would be to stop working for people and go build your own thing.

I don’t believe that. Business owners aren’t automatically free. Plenty of them work longer hours than the people they employ, earn less for years, and carry an anxiety that doesn’t switch off at 7pm. Freedom isn’t waiting behind a resignation letter. It’s a different set of problems with better branding.

What I took from the call was narrower. While I’m building something for someone else, I should also be building something that stays with me.

Not necessarily a company. Expertise that transfers. Savings that compound. Work with my name on it. Enough ability that I’m never fully dependent on one organisation’s decisions about my life.

Something that doesn’t disappear the day my login gets deactivated.

I’m aware this sounds like advice. I’m not convinced I’ve done it particularly well myself, which is part of why I’m writing it down.

What I said when he asked about freedom

At some point he asked what freedom meant to me. No warning, no time to construct something respectable.

Not property. Not a car. Not retiring at 40.

Freedom. Being able to sit somewhere without a running list in my head. Training. Badminton. Travelling occasionally. Working on things that interest me. Being present with people I care about without checking the time.

Mostly: enough control to avoid choosing money over time.

That’s the whole thing. Streamed into Normal Academic, part-time work from seventeen, a master’s, and a job I’m reasonably good at. Eighteen years of working without ever deciding what I wanted to work on, because I needed the money, and that was reason enough. What I actually want now is to stop checking the time.

Which is maybe why the call stuck. Whether the business is for me is a separate decision and I’ll make it separately. But the question underneath the pitch was one I hadn’t put to myself directly in a long time.

Time passes either way. Five years, ten, twenty, and most of those hours go to work regardless of who I’m working for. So the goal probably shouldn’t only be how much I can earn or how far up I can get. The quieter question is what I’m accumulating that eventually gives me more say over my own attention.

I don’t have the answer. That’s the reason for the series, not the conclusion of it.

Next I want to start where I keep circling back to: the things I’ve built at work. Systems that run without me now. Processes that outlived the problems they were designed for. All of it works, and none of it is mine. I want to look properly at what an employee actually gets to carry out of the building, and whether “experience” is a real asset or just the word we use when there isn’t one.

For now I’ve got one thing, and it isn’t a resolution.

There’s nothing wrong with spending my time helping something grow. I’d just like to check, occasionally, whether anything is growing on my side of it.

When Life Goes On, but Responsibility Gets Heavier

Almost half the year is gone. July is coming to an end, August is approaching, and somehow there are only four more months before the year ends. Time has been moving quickly, but the past few months have also felt unusually heavy.

Work has been busy. Family life has been busy too.

My 75-year-old father fell at home and fractured his left hip. He had to undergo hip surgery and stayed in the hospital for almost a month. Thankfully, his rehabilitation went well. The doctors, nurses and therapists took good care of him. My sister, my mother and I took turns visiting him on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Whenever I visited, I brought him Toast Box coffee and curry puffs. Small things, but familiar things. Sometimes, when someone is lying in a hospital bed, familiarity is one of the few comforts you can still give.

He has since returned home and can walk again. I am grateful for that.

My usual mentality is simple:

Life goes on.

Whatever happens, we deal with it and continue moving.

But even after my father came home, the worrying did not completely disappear. He now has several medications to take. Will he remember when to take them? Will he take the correct dosage? What happens when nobody is around to check? It also made me think about ageing in a way that feels much more real now. Living a long life sounds like a blessing, especially when someone remains healthy and independent. But when illness, mobility problems and daily medication become part of that life, longevity can also come with a high cost. Not only for the person ageing, but for the people caring for them.

Caregiving is not just physically demanding. It carries a mental load. You are constantly remembering appointments, medication, meals, safety risks and small changes in the person’s condition. At the same time, you still have to work, earn a living, manage your own responsibilities and somehow continue building your own life.

As someone who is used to a scheduled lifestyle, work and personal activities take up a large part of my routine. I am used to planning my days, following my own rhythm and working towards my own goals.

Caring for another person does not always fit neatly into that schedule.

Of course, taking care of our parents is not a “job” in the formal sense. Nobody gives us proper training, a clear workflow, or fixed working hours. We simply step into the responsibility because they are our parents.

But that does not mean it is easy.

Parents can also be stubborn. Sometimes they believe they know what is best for themselves, while their children are worrying about risks they may not see or may not want to acknowledge. There are moments when I wonder whether they understand that we are not trying to control them. We are trying to keep them safe. At the same time, I also understand why they resist. They have spent most of their lives making their own decisions. Growing older should not mean losing all independence.

That is where the tension lies.

Image generated by ChatGPT to reflect the tension between personal dreams, family responsibility, and the quiet weight of growing older.

How do we care for our parents without making them feel powerless? How do we fulfil our responsibilities as children while still protecting the time, energy and space needed to build our own lives?

I have my own work, dreams and aspirations. There are things I still want to achieve and a future I am still trying to shape. But as my parents grow older, I am becoming more aware that my life may not always move according to the plans I make for myself.

Responsibility does not always arrive at a convenient time. Perhaps adulthood is partly learning how to hold two truths at once: we love our parents and want to be there for them, but we are also human beings with our own limits, obligations, and lives to live.

I do not have a clean answer yet. Sometimes, the feeling is like being a kite that wants to fly freely, but keeps being pulled back by the string of responsibility. The string is not there because there is no love. In fact, it may exist precisely because there is love. But even love can feel heavy when you are trying to move towards your own dreams while making sure the people behind you are safe. Perhaps the real challenge is not choosing between freedom and responsibility. It is learning how to carry both without losing yourself completely.

Maybe adulthood is learning how to fly without cutting the string and without letting it pull you so tightly that you forget where you wanted to go. What do you think?

Colony made me think harder than a zombie movie should

Screenshot from GV website

I finally watched Colony, the new film from Yeon Sang-ho, the same director behind Train to Busan. The moment I saw his name on another zombie movie, I already knew I had to watch it. His earlier work set such a high bar that I walked in with expectations, maybe unfairly high ones. I was bracing myself for more of those fast, snarling zombies tearing down a train carriage. What I got instead quietly messed with my head, in the best way.


(Heads up: spoilers ahead.)


The zombies in Colony are on a completely different level. They are not just mindless bodies chasing the nearest warm thing. They have some kind of consciousness. They learn. They communicate with each other. There is a genuine intelligence in the way they move as a group, almost like they are thinking as one. Set them next to the zombies in Train to Busan and the difference is night and day. These ones have evolved, and that single idea is what kept me thinking long after the movie ended.


What also worked on me was the setting. Most of the film traps you inside one building, and that claustrophobia does a lot of the heavy lifting. There is no wide-open escape, no running into the sunset. Just walls, corridors, and people slowly realising there is nowhere left to go. A few scenes hit harder than the rest, either emotionally or because they made me sit up and actually think.


The opening: two professors who couldn’t make it work
The film opens at a biotech press conference inside the building, where we meet two professors who used to be married. They have since separated. From what I could tell, the husband simply couldn’t keep up with the way his wife thinks, that standalone, doesn’t-quite-fit-the-mould kind of mind. They are not together anymore, but they still operate side by side like close colleagues. It is a strange dynamic, a little awkward, a little tender, and somehow it works. I liked that the film let them be complicated instead of forcing a tidy backstory on us.


The “vaccine” and the rooftop evacuation route
There is a moment where a policeman gets hold of the so-called “vaccine”, which turns out to be a mastermind rather than a vial. He tries to drag this man up to the excavation roof, and he is so desperate to do it that he shoots one of his own team members along the way. After all that, he still doesn’t make it out. Watching it, one line kept running through my head: when self-interest takes over, people will do whatever it takes (人为了利益 是会不择手段), and their thinking bends to the extreme. It is uncomfortable to watch because it feels true. Strip away the safety nets, and you find out fast what someone is willing to trade.

The wife, the SWAT team, and being believed only once
The professor’s wife heads into the infected building to figure out what is actually going on. Because she is seen as the more influential voice, she is the one sent to speak to the authorities. She tells the SWAT and government teams that if they kill that first person that gets infected, everything will stop. So they hunt him down via CCTV search and kill him. However, it doesn’t stop. It gets worse. Most of the SWAT team ends up infected and turns, right in front of everyone. That scene taught me something blunt about how big organisations work. The moment your call turns out wrong, you only get believed once, never twice. Later, when she insists they have to kill the person carrying the vaccine (which is the mastermind), nobody listens. They have already written her off as someone who lied, and by then everyone is just trying to save their own skin. The tragedy is that she might have been right the second time. It just no longer mattered, because trust had already left the room.

What I took away

A few things stuck with me after the credits rolled.
1. When self-interest is at stake, people will do almost anything, and their thinking slides toward the extreme (为了利益 不择手段). The film keeps showing you this, quietly, until you can’t unsee it.


2. The whole “collective organism” idea is fascinating and unsettling at the same time. If humans could be controlled and merged into one mind, sure, everyone would move in perfect sync. But that is just groupthink with extra steps. The price of all that harmony is the freedom to decide for yourself.


3. If you always follow the crowd and never voice your own opinion, you slowly lose the ability to make your own judgement at all. Use it or lose it, even when it comes to thinking.


4. Which leaves me with the question the whole film kept poking at: is being the one who doesn’t fit in (不合群) actually a flaw? Or is it just having a mind of your own?


For a zombie movie, Colony left me chewing on far more than I expected. And here is the part I love. The Korean title, 군체, literally means “collective body”. Once you know that, the film stops being just a horror flick and turns into a quiet question about how much of yourself you quietly give up, just to belong.

That last question is the one that followed me out of the cinema, because it is one I have lived. I have spent most of my life not quite following the script everyone else seemed to be reading from, and for a long time I assumed that made me the problem, the one who didn’t fit. Colony made me wonder if I had it backwards. Maybe the people who never break from the group aren’t safer, just quieter. And maybe being a little 不合群 was never the flaw I thought it was. Maybe it was just me, holding on to the right to think for myself.

It Felt Too Unbelievable to Be Real

I want to be upfront about something. I didn’t download the app to find love.

I downloaded it the way you’d walk into a store just to browse… No intention of buying anything, just curious about how the whole thing works. I’d been reading about these platforms. How they function, what keeps people hooked, and honestly, whether the scam stories were real. You know the kind of expected flow will be like someone adds you, builds a connection over weeks, then slowly steers the conversation toward some investment opportunity you’ve never heard of. I wanted to see it for myself.

So I went in eyes wide open. Or at least I thought I did.

Around January 2026, someone (known as Park, a fake name) messaged me on the App. She said she had no friends. None. And she was still processing a breakup from a relationship that had lasted thirteen years. I couldn’t relate as I’ve never been in a serious relationship, but I kept the conversation going anyway. Something about her felt real, even if I couldn’t fully explain why. We moved off the app pretty quickly. Exchanged numbers, started chatting on WhatsApp. Not every day at first, but gradually it became that. Little check-ins. “What are you up to?” “Just finished lunch, you?” The kind of messages you don’t overthink.

I kept part of my brain switched on though. Is this a setup? Is the investment pitch coming? I was waiting for it.

It never came.

Instead, we just… talked. About everything and nothing. Work, life, what kind of food we liked, where we wanted to travel. Somewhere in February, she mentioned she felt like she’d healed from her breakup. That she was ready to do things again.

We found out we both love the sea. Blue skies. That kind of peace you only get near water.

So we did something slightly insane, we booked a trip to Malacca. Together. Two people who had never actually met, planning a few days away in April. We each took leave from work.

And then we got busy with life, and somehow we never met before the trip. Not once.

The day (5th April 2026) we left, I was up before 6am. She sent me a photo the night before so I’d recognise her at the bus terminal. I stood there in the early morning with that photo, looking around like I was waiting for someone I’d known for years. Which is a strange feeling when you’re about to see a stranger’s face for the first time. When we spotted each other, it wasn’t awkward. I don’t know how to explain that. It just wasn’t. At first, we just had some silent moments and small talk.

On the bus to Malacca, we talked the whole way. Neither of us touched our phones. She shared stories about past relationships, about how she thinks about work and business, and what kind of life she wants. I shared mine. The conversation moved the way good conversations do: no forced transitions, no running out of things to say. Silence wasn’t awkward; we were enjoying the peaceful breeze by the sea.

We checked into the hotel. Had meals together. Hit the gym. Did our own thing in between, but found our way back to each other for meals, where we’d pick up right where we left off. At night, we had a few drinks (nothing heavy), just relaxed. The kind of chilling that doesn’t need to be planned. We had our favourite fish and chips at 1-Altitude Melaka (Melaka’s highest dining spot).

Here’s the thing I haven’t been able to shake off and can’t stop thinking about why.

I’m not a particularly spiritual person. I don’t tend to read into things. But when I sit with this long enough, I can’t help but wonder if this whole thing was never about romance at all.

She’s 45. She’s lived. She’s loved someone for thirteen years and had to rebuild herself from scratch after that ended. And somehow, out of everyone on that app, she ended up in my chat. Talking to me, someone who has never been in a relationship, who sometimes wonders what direction her life is even heading, who needed to hear exactly the kind of things she was saying without knowing he needed to hear them.

The conversations about business. About how to think. About what kind of person you want to become and what it actually takes to get there. Those weren’t small talk. Looking back, they were the whole point.

I don’t know if I believe in coincidences anymore after this. Because what are the odds that I downloaded an app half-expecting to get scammed, and instead walked away with someone who, without ever trying to, quietly handed me a new way of looking at my own life?

Maybe she was sent. Maybe the universe, or God, or whatever you believe in, has a way of placing people in your path at the exact moment you need them, not always in obvious ways, not always in the form you’d expect. Sometimes it’s a 45-year-old stranger on a dating app who just got over a breakup and needed a friend too.

Or maybe we both needed each other. And that’s enough.

I don’t have a clean answer. I just know that I went looking for nothing, and somehow found something that felt like a light.

And that’s not something I’m willing to call a coincidence.

All I know is this:

Not everything in life needs to be explained immediately.

Some experiences are not meant to be solved.
Just… experienced.

One Month After My Birthday: A Quiet Question About What Makes Us Human

Exactly one month ago, I celebrated my birthday (another year older), quietly wishing I could earn more, do more, and finally figure out what I’m truly meant to do with my life.

Today, while the world moved through Lunar New Year festivities with noise, laughter, and a reunion dinner. I found myself in a slower orbit. Quiet. Reflective. For once, time felt like it was stretching open instead of rushing past me.

And in that silence, I started updating my résumé, taking LinkedIn Learning courses, and exploring new skills. It felt practical at first. Productive, even. But somewhere between one tutorial and another AI demo, the question quietly arrived:

What really makes a human… human?

Because everything feels like it’s accelerating now.

AI no longer just assists; it collaborates. Tools like Claude’s Co-Work feature, powered by Opus 4.6, can control windows, manage workflows, and execute tasks through simple prompts. It’s almost like an invisible colleague working beside us. The gap between thought and execution is shrinking. You think it; the machine moves.

I tried it myself, giving it a few prompts to organize my Gmail inbox, and watching it run automatically on my laptop felt both impressive and slightly surreal, as if intention had finally learned how to act without friction. Of course, that level of automation comes with a cost; the credits get used up quickly when you let it operate at full capacity. Just jaw-dropping to me.

Efficiency has never been so simple as you could imagine. What once required planning, effort, and hours of mental switching now happens through a few lines of prompts almost instantly. The systems respond, tasks move, windows open, emails sort themselves, and workflows run quietly in the background. It feels powerful, almost addictive like standing at the edge of a future where execution no longer depends on how much energy you have left.

And yet… that ease makes me pause.

Because when everything starts to feel seamless, I begin to wonder whether we are removing friction or removing something else along the way. The struggle to figure things out, the small moments of problem-solving, even the boredom between tasks… those used to shape how we think. Now, speed replaces waiting. Automation replaces effort. The distance between idea and result collapses into something almost invisible.

If intelligence can be automated, if workflows can be delegated, if productivity becomes increasingly frictionless, then what remains that belongs only to us? Perhaps it’s not execution anymore. Machines can execute. They can optimize, predict, and organize. But they do not sit in silence and question meaning. They do not feel uncertain after a birthday passes, or reflective during a quiet holiday, or curious about whether they are moving in the right direction. They don’t carry memory, longing, or the weight of choices.

Maybe what remains is awareness: that ability to pause even when everything invites us to move faster. The ability to ask why, not just how. The ability to choose what deserves our energy, rather than simply maximizing output.

And maybe that is the strange paradox of this moment: the more friction disappears, the more intentional we must become about staying human.

The Strange Gift of Free Time

Lunar New Year usually carries celebration, but this year it gave me something else: space.

Space to notice how quickly technology is evolving. Space to look at my own career path. Space to revisit the question that quietly follows many of us as we grow older:

Am I moving with intention, or simply keeping up?

I read a piece recently by Dan Koe “How to Fix Your Entire Life in One Day.” The title sounds dramatic, almost impossible. But what struck me wasn’t the promise of instant transformation. It was the underlying idea: sometimes change doesn’t require time, it requires a decision.

One clear day of clarity. One honest audit of who you are, what you’re doing, and why.

And maybe that’s where humanity lives.

Not in our speed.
Not in our efficiency.
But in our ability to pause and choose deliberately.

AI Can Execute, But It Cannot Meaningfully Desire

AI can organize information, optimize workflows, and even generate ideas. It can help us work faster than ever.

But it doesn’t wake up wondering if it’s enough.
It doesn’t reflect on birthdays.
It doesn’t sit with discomfort or question its purpose.

Humans live in tension between ambition and meaning; progress and presence.

We don’t just do things.
We feel our way through them.

And maybe that’s why moments like this hit differently. When the calendar slows down, when work quiets, when you’re left alone with your own thoughts… you realize that the real work isn’t always external.

Sometimes the real work is asking:

  • Who am I becoming in this fast-moving world?
  • Am I building a life, or just optimizing tasks?
  • What parts of me should never be automated?

The Illusion of “Fixing Everything”

The phrase “fix your entire life in one day” feels bold, but maybe the point isn’t perfection.

Maybe the point is alignment.

A single day where you get brutally honest:

  • about where your energy goes,
  • about what truly matters,
  • about what you’re avoiding.

One day to reset direction, even if the execution takes months or years.

Because life doesn’t change when everything is finished.
Life changes when clarity appears.

What Makes Us Human

Sitting here today, after a month of being a little older and (hopefully) a little wiser, this is what I’m beginning to believe:

Being human is not about competing with AI.

It’s about the things that cannot be scaled or automated:

  • Wonder.
  • Reflection.
  • Meaning.
  • Connection.
  • Choosing purpose over pure productivity.

Machines can help us move faster. But only humans can decide where to go.

A Quiet Resolution

Maybe this season: the moment between a birthday reflection and the stillness of Lunar New Year isn’t about reinventing everything overnight.

Maybe it’s about noticing the direction of the wind.

Learning new tools. Updating the résumé. Staying relevant in a world that keeps accelerating because standing still is not an option. But at the same time, holding onto something softer.

The courage to pause.
The willingness to sit with discomfort.
The discipline to ask uncomfortable questions, and the patience to listen to your own answers without rushing to fix them.

Because in a future filled with intelligent systems, automation, and endless optimization, the rarest skill might not be intelligence at all. It might be self-awareness, that quiet ability to know who you are while everything around you keeps changing.

And perhaps that, more than anything else, is what makes us human.

A Private Letter to Myself: End of 2025

Dear Wen,

2025 was not loud, but it was heavy with meaning.

You didn’t chase visibility. You chose responsibility. And you carried it quietly.

You built things that now run without you standing beside them. You designed workflows, fixed broken processes, aligned people who didn’t speak the same language, and held systems together when no one saw the seams.

You asked the hard questions, documented the messy parts, and made decisions that reduced friction for others, even when it added weight to you.

You finished what you started. You closed a long academic chapter with discipline and dignity. You defended your thinking, revised your work, and walked away knowing you earned it. Finally graduated with masters.

You climbed Mount Kinabalu alone. Step by step, no shortcuts, endure the cold wind, no audience. Although you did not conquer the peak, on that mountain, you proved something to yourself that no résumé could ever show.

You went to Thailand alone, played badminton with strangers, trusted yourself in unfamiliar spaces, and realised that solitude doesn’t mean loneliness. Sometimes it means freedom.

You chose braces, training, movement, and health, even when it was inconvenient. You showed up for your body the same way you showed up for your work: steadily, without drama.

You did not prioritise any relationship this year. Not because you couldn’t, but because you were building a foundation strong enough to eventually hold one.

You chose depth over distraction. Growth over noise.

If there were moments of doubt, fatigue, or quiet sadness, these were the honest moments. They did not mean you failed. They meant you were doing something real.

So thank you for everything, you made it!

For being consistent when no one was clapping. For choosing progress over comfort. For trusting that this season mattered, even when it felt invisible.

Go into 2026 lighter.

With good health. With more joy.

With the same integrity, but a little more fun.

You don’t need to prove anything anymore.

Just continue becoming and improving.

With respect,

Arete

What I Do in Bangkok When I Don’t Shop?

After booking my impromptu solo trip via Agoda, my flight and accommodation were settled. The next question was deceptively simple: What should I actually do in Bangkok?

Ironically, Bangkok was the part of Thailand I had explored the least. Over the years, I have already been to Pattaya, Khao Yai, Hua Hin, Ratchaburi, Kanchanaburi, and Khao Kho, places known for nature, hikes, and slower rhythms.

Bangkok, on the other hand, had a reputation: shopping paradise & eating paradise.

Both great, but not quite what I was looking for this time.

A New Travel Habit: Playing Badminton Overseas

Since early 2025, I’ve been quietly experimenting with a new idea: playing badminton overseas with strangers. I’ve done it in Hong Kong (January 2025) and Kunming (June 2025). Cooler weather, lower humidity, new people, unfamiliar courts, and it was fun in a very human way. So naturally, I thought: Why not Bangkok?

That turned out to be harder than expected. Most badminton meetups in Bangkok happen on weekends. I reached out to a few casual players who posted badminton content online, but received no replies.

Then, almost by chance, I stumbled upon a TikTok creator who regularly posts his weekday games. On impulse, I sent him a DM. Unexpectedly, he replied. He told me he plays every Wednesday and Friday night at Baan 92 Badminton Court and asked if I wanted a slot. I said yes (chai in Thai) without knowing what I was signing up for.

I trusted a TikTok stranger, and on Christmas Eve, we actually met each other. In Thailand, where you’re often reminded to be cautious because not everything is what it seems, it felt like a small leap of faith.

Culture Shock #1: Thailand Is a Night-Sports Country

When I arrived at the court, his explanation of why Thai people exercise so late genuinely caught me off guard. He said that most Thai players don’t play in the morning as it’s too hot, and people work. Instead, they exercise at night. He told me that games start at 8:30pm and can run until 2:00–3:00am. After that? Supper. A short rest. Then straight back to work.

As someone from Singapore, where sports halls close around 10pm, and I’m usually in bed by 11:15pm, this felt… extreme. Still, curiosity won.

That Wednesday (it’s Christmas eve night), I played from 8:30pm to about 1:30am (Thailand time). The quality surprised me. The games were labelled “casual,” but the pace was fast. Many young, talented players with sharp placement and good court awareness. It didn’t feel sloppy at all, just intense, late, and relentless.

Culture Shock #2: Shuttlecocks, Tracking, and Paying by the Match

The second surprise was how the games were managed.

In Singapore, shuttlecocks are changed fairly quickly. In Thailand, one shuttlecock is used for two consecutive matches. Even with visibly worn feathers, the players chose not to change them and continued playing. Even if a player requested a change, the shuttle used would still be a recycled one, already worn, to complete another game.

Changing a shuttle meant extra cost. They also recorded:

  • Who you partnered with
  • The score of each game

All of this was tracked to calculate how much you pay when you leave. It felt systematic, efficient, and very different from what I was used to.

The Physical Reality Check

That night, I played for 3 hours and 32 minutes. My Garmin recorded 945 calories burned.

By the time I reached the hotel by taxi, hunger hit hard. I crossed the street to 7-Eleven and grabbed a fish fillet burger for survival.

I slept around 1:30am.

The next morning? No sense of recovery. My Garmin showed poor sleep quality, and my body agreed. I’m not wired to be a night owl, and one late night was enough to remind me of that.

Still, I don’t regret it.

Final Reflections: Travel Isn’t Always About Comfort

This Bangkok experience wasn’t about sightseeing. It was about stepping into someone else’s rhythm and realising how different daily life can be.

What I Took Away:

  • Trusting a TikTok stranger gently reminded me to stay open to the world.
  • Bangkok offers more than shopping and food. It offers alternative ways to connect (other than partying).
  • Sports culture reflects climate, work patterns, and social habits.
  • Playing badminton overseas isn’t just exercise: it’s cultural immersion.
  • Just because you can adapt doesn’t mean it will feel good physically.
  • And sometimes, the value of an experience is simply understanding your own limits.

I learned that I’m not a night owl. But I also learned that saying yes to unfamiliar schedules, strangers, and slightly unreasonable hours sometimes opens doors you didn’t know were there.

And that, to me, is the point of solo travel: quiet courage.

Staying open to the world sometimes means choosing discomfort and trusting that something meaningful might meet you there.