Filial piety, a deeply rooted value in many cultures, traditionally emphasizes respect, care, and responsibility towards one’s parents. These duties become especially important as they age. But how much weight do these norms still carry with today’s younger generation? This question came to life for me last Christmas during a casual conversation with a friend. It sparked reflections on my own experiences and challenges with this age-old expectation.

It all began with a simple exchange about my parents, both of whom are now elderly. My father, nearing 75, still works as a cleaner in a shopping mall. My mother is a full-time homemaker due to her health condition. Neither of them had the chance for much education. As a result, their savings are minimal. They often rely on hope from buying 4D tickets (like small gambling) for a windfall that never comes. Their financial situation has always been precarious, “living day by day,” as they say.

For years, I’ve been giving them a monthly allowance, of about 15% of my salary. It’s not an insignificant sum, but it’s something I’ve always believed I should do out of love and duty. Yet, as time goes on and their needs grow, I find myself grappling with difficult questions. What happens if my father can no longer work? Will I be expected to shoulder the entire financial burden alone? I have a younger sister. Her lack of involvement in this shared responsibility often leaves me feeling isolated. This feeling can be frustrating. The weight of fulfilling this unspoken yet culturally ingrained duty sometimes feels overwhelming. It makes me wonder: Is filial piety still as relevant in today’s world as it once was? Or has it evolved into something more selective and less rigid among younger generations?

Just a few days later, I stumbled upon an article on Channel News Asia. It discussed filial piety and the younger generation. It was almost uncanny as if the universe had tuned into my thoughts. The article explored how traditional norms are increasingly being questioned by younger people. For instance, giving parents an allowance or living with them in their retirement. Reading it, I couldn’t help but feel validated, like I wasn’t alone in wrestling with these challenges. It made me realize that this isn’t just a personal struggle but a broader societal conversation that’s beginning to unfold.

The Changing Landscape of Filial Piety

In the past, filial piety often meant living with one’s parents. It involved providing them with financial support and ensuring their well-being in old age. These norms were deeply embedded in collective societies. Extended families lived under one roof. Everyone shared caregiving efforts. With the rise of individualism, economic pressures, and the shifting aspirations of younger generations, these norms are no longer as straightforward. Today’s youth face skyrocketing living costs. We desire independence and have personal goals. At the same time, we are grappling with the traditional expectations of caring for aging parents.

For some, like myself, the act of giving financial support feels non-negotiable, a responsibility tied to love and gratitude. But for others, the definition of filial piety may differ. Some might argue that it’s less about monetary contributions and more about spending quality time, ensuring emotional support, or finding alternative ways to care for their parents without sacrificing their own stability.

My Personal Dilemma

The tension for me lies in balancing my sense of duty. I am realising that it’s not sustainable to carry the weight of this responsibility alone.

Questions plague my mind:

• If my parents stop working, how can I support them while also saving for my own future?
• Is it fair to shoulder this responsibility alone while my sibling remains disengaged?
• At what point does filial piety cross the line into self-sacrifice?

Adding to this weight is the challenge of juggling my own dreams and aspirations when money is constantly stretched thin. Like many, I have personal goals, dreams of traveling, pursuing further education, or simply building a financial safety net for myself. Yet these aspirations often take a backseat as I prioritise meeting my parents’ needs.

There are moments when I wonder if I’ll ever truly be able to pursue these dreams. I also question if they’ll remain indefinitely on hold. It’s not that I resent my parents for the sacrifices I’ve had to make. Instead, I find myself questioning how to strike a balance. I need to fulfill my duties as a daughter while honoring the life I want for myself. This juggling act feels like walking a tightrope, where any misstep could mean financial instability or emotional burnout. And sometimes, I ask myself: Is this what filial piety demands? Or is it possible to reframe it in a way that allows me to care for my parents while still carving out a space for my own life?

Reflecting on the Future

Filial piety is a deeply personal journey, and it’s one that often comes without a clear road map. For now, I continue to give what I can, even as I wrestle with the challenges. But I also believe it’s important to have honest conversations about these cultural expectations, both within families and across society.

The Channel News Asia article reminded me that these questions are part of a larger dialogue. It is a sign that societal attitudes toward filial piety are evolving. Does being filial mean giving everything? Or does it mean finding a way to care for our parents that respects both their needs and our own? I don’t have all the answers. However, I hope this post can spark a larger conversation on what filial piety means in today’s world. As life expectancy increases and we live longer, new challenges will inevitably arise, complicating this already complex issue. It seems like there isn’t a clear solution, only choices to be made. Perhaps the key lies in shifting our perspectives: redefining what filial piety looks like in modern times and exploring ways to grow financially to sustain both our parents’ needs and our own aspirations.

This isn’t an easy path, but it’s one we must navigate together. Let’s continue this conversation and share our stories, because sometimes, the best answers emerge when we face these challenges collectively.