The “Who Are You” question is one that you will be presented when we are relating to living our life. The lack of identity will lead to an aimless, unfulfilled and confused life.

People who suffer with identity issues are much easier to manipulate and be swayed from their proper lane in life. Many of us find ourselves in places or situations where we put on masks in order to fit in. We wear these disguises for so long that we lose ourselves in the process. We end up doing things and going down paths that we never intended because we feel as though we have to be something we’re not. The reason for this is not necessarily that people feel they aren’t goof enough, but that they don’t know who they are in the first place.

We usually adapt our behaviour to the demands of the social situation, and in ambiguous situations where we take our cues from the behaviour of others in that setting. We assumes that the external environment, or the behavioural context, can have both subtle and forceful effects on people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. As a result, we conform to adopt the behaviour and opinions presented by other members even though individuals were judging matters of fact, not merely personal opinions, many caved in to conformity pressures.

According to the social psychologists, people conform merely for two reasons: first, they want to be accepted, approved, liked and not rejected by others; second, wanting to be correct and to understand the correct way to act in any given situation.

As stated earlier, the single largest battle in the war of living an satisfied life is that of identity. The decisions we make daily, even the small ones, have their roots tied directly to who we think we are. There are things that some people will absolutely refuse to do because it doesn’t up with their internal perception.

There was some point in my life where I really did not know who I was, why I am here. I’m still learning who I am in many respects, but now I have a much better handler on what my identity is.

According to Erikson’s lifespan theory, it stated that across our lifespan, we go through various stages which we meet ever changing psychosocial challenges. The completion of the work at each stage which Erikson termed as “crisis” prepares us to move on to the following stage. Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development behaviours that may be associated with healthy and unhealthy expressions of the self’s development and ego boundary growth of an individual at a particular stage of life.

Currently, I am in the Young Adulthood – the range of 20-40 years. It is the stage of Intimacy vs. Isolation. Young adult struggles to form close relationships and to gain capacity for intimate love.

Some people might have the expressions of Intimacy where an individual would like to maintain friendship, physical and emotional intimacy, participation in games, groups, being open, willing to interact, and able to make and keep commitments. Whilst, some people might have the expressions of Isolation and Self-Absorption such as sabotage relationship, withdraws, avoidance, defensive, self defeating behaviour, maintaining isolation, and questions job performance.

I would say this young adulthood phase is a very long process. Though you may not be able to articulate the answer easily, there should be something in your inner core that evokes peace if and when that question is posed.

At the end of the day, we must fight to discover, develop and maintain our core identity. Though we want to be authentically you, don’t get a “this is just the way I am” type of attitude. We want to become the greatest version of ourselves that we are meant to be.

A lot of who we are has to do with the talents, gifts, and passions. People are prone to give their life to what they are passionate about. The skills we develop and the talents we nature-nurture possess a great indicators that show where our greatest places of impact may be.

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit – Aristotle